I am wiped. So exhausted and drained. The editing process on this book has taken a lot out of me. I’m not sure why. Jake and I went to dinner the other night and I tried to pinpoint what it is that’s making things so difficult for me this time around. This is what I came up with.
Fear.
I’ve already been through this process once before and I was nervous and scared, but nothing like I am now. There are a couple different fears running through me right now. Of course, the natural fear that people won’t like the book and will leave horrible reviews. I think I’m fairly good at seeing those, especially the constructive, well thought out ones, from the other person’s perspective. But my prayer this time is that I won’t take what people say too seriously, especially since this book is so much “me”. If someone says something negative about Maggie, I don’t want to take it personally as if it was said about me, but I’m afraid I might.
Also, I think there is an underlying fear knowing that this book is going out into the world and the world includes my ex-fiancé and his family. The “ex” in the book is mostly seen through Maggie’s memories, so he’s not so much in the story as he is in her thoughts and feelings and the way she deals with letting him go. And the details about him are sort of vague, the way memories of someone might be after not seeing them for a long time. But he’s “the bad guy”, if you will. I don’t necessarily see it that way anymore. We were just kids when the relationship ended, so things look a lot different to me 20+ years later. And, while this is fiction, a lot of the emotions Maggie experiences over that lost relationship are taken from my own life.
So … there’s that.
Yesterday, I finally sent Jake a text that said, “DONE! DONE! DONE!” I was so over it, and I wanted to get on to the fun stuff. The book is now formatted for print and I’m excited to get that uploaded and get a proof copy once I get the final cover design finished. Jake and I also spent an hour or so last night working on a little something to promote the book! It’s so pretty. The fun stuff!
I’m taking a few days off to spend with my family for Spring Break, which starts today at 2:30 p.m. Yeah! No big travel plans for us (Florida, I want to be sunning myself on your beaches right now!), but looking forward to some wonderful time with Jake’s side of the family and celebrating Easter together.
Jesus is Risen! Hallelujah!